Drowning In Self Loathing And Despair? Me Too! But It Is Going To Be Okay
I know that life is hard no matter who you are, where you came from, or what your situation is. The hurt that can be produced from a broken heart, failed project, or financial struggle can be devastating and no matter how many people might try to give you advice, they just don’t get it. You might try to put on a smile and pretend like everything is okay in order to avoid having your peers take notice and judge you for being honest with your feelings and in doing so it makes the hurt builds and builds until you shatter. I know this feeling and I know a lot of folks who have experienced something similar and have either got help, acted on their suffering and survived, and unfortunately those who acted and did not make it.
We’re not trained to handle suicide prevention so we absolutely recommend contacting them at 1-800-273-8255 or visit them at https://afsp.org/. What we can do is let you know that you do matter, I don’t care what the situation is, what the circumstances are, or who you are, you absolutely matter. What you are experiencing is temporary and can be resolved with enough effort, which I know can be difficult itself but the payoff so grand that it is absolutely worth the investment.
From my personal experience I have encountered hard emotional times that I was not able to overcome but instead learn to live with and then move past. I have spoken time and again about my various issues but the way I dealt with this was by taking all of my anger, grief, and loathing and applying it to my work. I wanted to ensure that all those who made me feel as though I were dirt beneath their feet would know that I had the ability to do so much more than they ever could.
While feelings of revenge or spite might not be the most healthy of emotional states, it was far better and more productive than dwelling and drowning in suffering. After I worked my hands to the bone until I broke down, I could look back and watch all these wonderful things I had created and how many lives I touched in a positive way that spawned because of how terrible I felt. That made me feel that I had value and worth. It made me want to continue in my craft and do more so that if I could not feel better, at least I could make others happy. In a way that did help me out eventually as I grew to have a family of friends who are all willing to help out with projects that raise money for charity or give exposure to small businesses.
Even still, despite so much success and helping so many the feelings of sadness and dismay linger. When the projects are completed, the conventions shut down, and everyone goes home I am left alone with my thoughts and wonder if I will ever feel good about myself. I have to trust in the opinions of so many who say that I am worthy of being in their lives and I do matter or deserve things I want. I also know that not everyone has the support of so many as I do and know how hard it must be for those who suffer in silence.
Don’t Let The Bastards Get You Down
Although I can not give you advice on what to do, I can at least give advice on what not to do from personal experience. When I was younger I typically hung around bullies or people who were emotionally abusive just so that I could have a friend. The exchange was always that we’d hang out and I would be the punching bag for every joke and would have to grin and bear it. The less I defended myself, the worse the jokes got and when I would defend myself they would give me the silent treatment, I would feel desperate for friendship and then return to them under the condition that they get to be even more toxic.
The reason this is shitty should be obvious, after a while their words will tear you down and make you buy into the notion that you are nothing. This happens everywhere, even as adults in the work place. If there is a person in your life that always harps on everything you do and they insult you, especially in public, they are toxic. At some point you’ll break and it’ll be for the better where you get pissed and leave or for the worse you die inside and just stop fighting. On the other hand when I met a person who valued me as much as I valued them, it was clear that that was exactly the kind of relationship that I wanted because it was nothing but good vibes and the jokes were about life instead of each other. When we did talk about each other, it was positive and uplifting and there definitely were jabs thrown in the the amount of positivity was overwhelming in comparison.
Go Lone Wolf
Another piece of advice I can offer that helped me tremendously is to not wait for everyone else in order to do something. I always told myself that it would be lame to do anything alone and so I always went with a group but the group’s decision on what to do never aligned with what I wanted. It wasn’t until after I cut out the toxic people from my life that I was alone and in that loneliness I had no choice but to go and do things by myself.
You have no idea how nice it is just to be alone and have time to think while devouring a good burger and shake. I have been able to sort out so many problems and get over certain emotional issues by just doing exactly what I wanted alone. I found that I made incredible friends this way and had the best ideas. You can compare it to the shower or when you use the bathroom, we often joke about having our best ideas during those times but it is really because that is literally the only alone time we have in our busy lives. If you think about it, from the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed you are surrounded by other people or subject to a task like driving where your attention is required. To have even more time to yourself helps you sort out all of the thoughts of feelings you’ve been holding onto and feels incredible!
It Is Either A Hell Yes Or A No
Is there someone in your life who you adore and wish that your relationship with them was more intimate and despite your best efforts they are not returning those feelings? I can relate heavily! The longer you dwell on those un returned feelings, the more toxic it becomes as you send a message and then stare at your phone for a response despite knowing they will probably message you back with a one word response in around 8 hours. Yet, you can’t get yourself to leave the situation due to having that hope they will come around and return your feelings. As though there are some actions you can take or some string of words you can combine that will unlock their heart.
Being love sick is legit the worst. Because it doesn’t matter what you look like, what you have accomplished, or what you have done, they judge you as a person and there is nothing you can do but be vulnerable as the person you care for most decides whether you are worth their time or not.
(Watch this video, seriously!)
There are two quotes I learned from such fantastic human beings that struck such a chord with me. The first one is “Within the first 15 minutes of meeting someone, they have decided whether or not you are worth dating. So there is no point in dwelling on their feelings, just ask them out and find out the answer.”. Taking this advice takes away the months of wondering what the other person is thinking and instead gives you the answer you need to hear so you can move on.
The second quote, which applies to life in general, is “It is either a ‘Hell yes’ or a ‘No’.”. Your time is valuable, you do not need to waste it on someone who doesn’t care for you. When you find someone that you have a crush on and you put yourself out there for them and they respond with anything less than a straight answer, assume it is a no and move on. You absolutely deserve someone who has butterflies in their stomach when they are around you and no matter the situation they choose to hang out with you. Anything less than that, they just are not worth it.
I hope that whatever you are going through, you find the solution to your problems. An easy guide to ensuring you don’t go insane is to ask yourself “What do I want? Will this person or situation get in my way or will they help me?” and just move forward with your best interests at heart. In the words of Jimi Hendrix: I am going to die when it is time for me to die, so let me live my life the way that I want to.” You are a king/queen! Never forget it! 🙂