Misadventures of Darth Mexican: Helping Under the Influence

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Misadventures of Darth Mexican: Helping Under the Influence

It was Sunday night of Phoenix Comic Fest 2018 and we always make sure to celebrate all of our hard work here at Geek Lyfe by gathering together to drink and eat! I sat at Cornish Patsy surrounded by Saint, Lvckydiamond, the Final Boys, Instagram’s Game2Hype, Jared, Chocozumo, Schrei205, Andrew, and we had the best of times. After the bill was paid and we waddled out of the restaurant, I realized that in my celebration I had downed three glasses of Guinness.

It should be noted that I am a super lightweight since I am relatively new to drinking. In addition to my waddling came a bit of imbalance. Mat of The Final Boys took note and asked if I was good to drive. I gave a slurred response and it was enough to convince the group that instead of all leaving, we should go and sober up at a local bar.

We walked for a good ten minutes before entering a fine establishment that served adult beverages and took our seats. The waitress offered us drink menus and in my less than sober state I watched my friends all order drinks so I wanted to as well. The bar had cocktail specials themed around geeky fandoms so naturally I had to purchase one. Once again, I am a new drinker and had absolutely no idea that cocktails were more potent than beer. I thought that because it was smaller, it was less effective but tasty.

Oh how wrong I was.

My friends noticed my new drink and groaned as they reminded me that the whole reason for coming there was for me to sober up. It was at this time when Lvckydiamond asked the group what our Peaks and Pits were of the weekend. One by one we gave our varied answers. While the other end of the table spoke, Jared leaned over to me and said, “DeAngelo, look at that woman across the bar. She has the worst resting bitch face I have ever seen.”
With little to no effort I spotted her.

She was young, with a head full of blue hair, furrowed brows and furiously texting while sipping from her almost empty glass. In that single glance I thought to myself, I need to help this poor woman have a better night. It is my duty.

While the room was spinning all around me and I had to make an active effort in order to not giggle, the waitress came by. Everyone, including myself, requested water. “But also,” I said louder than I intended which made the entire table quiet and look over. “I wanna do something else.” I took a moment to gather my scattered thoughts and had every intention of saying That woman over there looks like she is having a bad night. I want to make it better by buying her a drink. Satisfied with this train of thought, I opened my mouth.

“I want to buy that bitch with a face a drink.”

as the words left my mouth I watched everyone’s jaw drop and blink away their confusion as they burst into laughter. Anyone who knows me, understands that I am usually quite reserved and always focused on being kind to everyone I meet. Acting in such a manner was, err, not the norm.

“Wait, what?!” the waitress said as she shared in their confusion.

Not realizing what I said, I took another moment to form a response. “That woman over there has a horrible face and I want to buy her a drink!” I replied with confidence, knowing that surely everyone was on the same page as me. Again, they died in laughter and begged me to clarify.  On the third attempt, I was able to explain her resting bitch face and how I wanted to help. Everyone gave a collective sigh of understanding and shook their head.

At this point Lvckydiamond added “Well, I have a resting bitch face! Why don’t you buy me a drink?!” which encourage all of the other women at the table, including the waitress to say “Yeah!” I begged the waitress to buy her the drink but not to say who bought it. I gave a slurred explanation that I just wanted to be nice and want nothing in return.

Naturally, the entire table watched this poor girl get her drink and scan the room for who purchased it. I’m not rocket surgeon but I am pretty confident that she was able to piece together that the of the table of 8 who stared at her giggling and then noticing the one person who looked down, into his drink as they teased him was the one who bought the drink.

Everyone laughed and admitted that they all changed their ‘Peak’ of the weekend to that moment.

On an unrelated note, I have decided that it is best I no longer drink in public. However, my cherished friends, for whatever reason, admitted that they are going to get me drunk first every time from here on out.

*Sigh*

Darth Mexican has been a geek since he first saw a lightsaber ignite. He has strong feelings on subbed anime. He strives to represent the stories of the common man and woman regardless of skin tone, age, sexual preference, or nationality. With every article he strives to bring representation to the voiceless. Unless he finds out they like dubbed anime.

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